You lost the love you loved the most

 Learn to live half a life

           A broken heart is like broken glass, it may be melted back to try and shape it but it will never be the same.  You will know even if the cracks are hidden that beneath the smooth surface are shattered pieces.

          This fragile glass will be easily shattered again by the slightest shock, same goes for the heart since some wounds will never heal. The most optimistic solution would be to heal leaving a scar, but then again isn’t a scar just a superficial wound that  is almost healed and a constant reminder for the rest of our lives that will taunt us day and night.

       Forgive but never forget, some words and actions are too hard to forget they will forever remain engraved in your memory. The good and the bad alike, unfortunately the sad always submerge in some way as if to punish you one more time for a silly slip that you unwillingly made.

        Never forget because you always have to be one step ahead of the game in order not to get hurt, preventive actions are much better than corrective actions, for the simplest reason the damage would have to take place for you to make a corrective action whereas for a preventive action you immune yourself and be prepared for the worst.

         We learned in physics from an early age that for every reaction there is an equal and opposite reaction, why should be different when it comes to life? Your reaction only depends on the other person, depending on what they do or overdo you have to decide whether to treat them the same or take the high road and try to be better.

      I'm sorry if I lack words and never said I love you, I just thought I had proven myself countless times as an ultimate proof, putting your happiness before mine. Sorry for being there every single step of the way, sorry for shedding tears, sorry spending sleepless nights and finally sorry for  being sorry.

          For me I have always tried to avoid fights, to be the “better person “ as they say and try to understand the other person’s reaction. However, for the first time in my life I find myself flabbergasted because from a simple shake an avalanche took place.

        Doubt is a smooth killer, slowly creeping till it hits you unsuspectingly and takes you off guard. If you have proven yourself over and over that small shard of doubt takes you back and turn you into a worthless zombie.

       All you have done seems to go to vein, as if you are unworthy: how the mighty have fallen. But fallen out of what? Fallen out of grace, out of love or out of trust?

     You and only you can take the next step, "never give up so easily" have always been my motto in life and I’ll keep fighting for what I believe in and whom I love.  Till that shattered heart explodes into tiny million pieces and becomes nothing more than dust, carelessly wandering the infinite cosmos.

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Beauty is Ephemeral

Beauty is Ephemeral

            Society is slowly transcending to a fake and plastic culture where we judge everybody on the outer skin and so called beauty. It’s not relatively new; through history beauty played a crucial part in establishing peace or inducing wars. Many examples come to mind such as Nefertiti, Cleopatra, Jason, Helene of Troy and many more…

            However, nowadays I feel we are consuming beauty like consuming food, sex, relationships and basically everything. We always thrive for more with a constant hunger, whereas thriving for more in some cases such as education and work is considered a motivation, when it comes to some remaining aspects of life it’s destructive.

            For people who do know me, some might say it’s a bit hypocrite writing about this particular subject seeing how often I get complimented about my looks. But my true friends do know I’m as natural as can be and don’t emphasis on my looks.

            The main reason why I decided to publish this post is the lack of self confidence in the teen generations and self esteem in the older generations. It’s all been said before: you were born this way; you are beautiful no matter what they say… For me I want to add: if you consider yourself the ugliest person in the world you still have at least one good physical attribute and personality trait that will attract that special one. 

            Do not underestimate yourself, when all seems dark never lose hope because when you hit rock bottom the only way is up. You must excel in something in life whether it’s your carrier, family, sports… therefore invest in it.

            I feel sorry for people who are looking for beauty in a needle of Botox or an implant, as much as you try to stop time, you will get old one day even if at 70 you look like you’re in your 50’s. All this plastic junk is going to fade away so you’d better have a backup plan.

            The youth fountain is within because beauty is transient, enjoy it in your prime years but invest for the future so you don’t reach the day where all is lost.

            Truly beauty can be a curse sometimes, I speak from real experiences it may get you a job now but in the future you will have to rely on your experiences and education. It may get you a job but it may well be followed by sexual harassment. I enjoy the perks it gets, castings, photo sessions, invitations… Nevertheless, I find a person than combines brains and beauty as the perfect combination. I’m never been satisfied and since I was a child I thrived for more in my education and on my way to get my PHD. 

            Finally, in a relationship when one partner is considered to be cutter than the other ones problems may occur but when you realize that they have chosen each other for love each one completes the other and makes him/her even more radiant.

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A dog is for life not just christmass

 

       This post is dedicated to a special friend, one that had been there next to me for more than 11 years. He spent every single day with me and gave me unconditional love. His name is Ricky and if you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m refereeing to my dog. 

      I’ve been a longtime advocate for Peta , and since I have my blog I should give a voice to those who cannot speak for themselves. I’m glad to see that in Lebanon people are more aware of animal welfare.  

I applaud the efforts of  Beta  (Beirut for the ethical treatment of animals) and Animals Lebanon , both associations are really active and working hard to help so many homeless animals in need. I hope that my post will shed some light and people will respect and appreciate their efforts.

      To show my support I have incorporated a link on my blog (on the right side bar between the labels and blog archives) to a petition making animal abuse illegal in Lebanon. Animals Lebanon has already reached almost 17000 signatures and hopes to get to 25000. Therefore I urge my readers to help (700 readers so far, it’s a huge number for me).

       My dog is an adopted and rescued poodle, he went through hell and when I got to him he was severely bitten and wondering the streets. I couldn’t just stand the horror, I decided to foster him but I quickly got attached to him. He was such a sweet and adorable dog and still trusting humans after being seriously mistreated by his previous owners. 

       Therefore I adopted him for good, and now 11 years after the incident he’s getting old and weak but he knows he has his family that will always be looking after him. His life may had a rough beginning but his present and future are bright. 

    I urge everybody to adopt and not buy because you will be encouraging puppy mills or farms where females have litter after litter and are euthanized after 5 years.

Top reasons to adopt: 

• Rescuing a homeless animal
• You can foster and if everything goes smoothly you can adopt
•  Dogs and cats will be usually house broken and trained
•  You can get help and tips from the associations.
• Saving money and boycotting animal stores and puppy mills.

      Finally, a pet is a long life commitment so please think carefully before deciding to buy a pet. It’s not just a gift for Christmas. Even if you feel eventually it’s too much responsibility to handle ; abandoning a pet on the street is never the solution, do pass by a shelter and they will gladly take the pets and find them a loving family.

Ricky enjoying some Chinese food.

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Sorry for not being sorry

Indifference will always find an excuse

                This is the simplest but saddest truth, when you’re indifferent you will find the lamest excuse to justify yourself, but the most bitter part occurs when you are in a relationship and you start making up excuses to justify your boyfriend/girlfriend ‘s indifference and nonchalance.

            It’s a known fact that there is always a side that’s controlling the relationship: the strongest, and by that I’m in no way referring to the chauvinist men. A woman can be the strongest and the dominant partner. What I mean by the strongest:  the partner who is caring and giving everything to the relation but still has a step back and has protected themselves emotionally.

            How small, insignificant do you feel when you go through extremes to give your partner all the love you can give and in return for that single fraction of a second they ruin everything by being completely unresponsive and indifferent. 

            One might consider that it may happen once and occasionally, true and in no way am I referring to such behavior. However, when it becomes a recurrent pattern, one have to start wondering and asking the hardest question: when enough is really enough?

 

            As I am writing these words, I’m not sure if I’m even making sense. The problem is I cannot be more elaborate about this matter because too many people are involved and might get hurt, not to mention all the variables to consider.

            I am not the kind of guy that preaches what he doesn’t believe in or apply in real life so be sure there will be a part two to this post. 

            I have found out the hard way that you should never make someone a priority in your life when you remain an option in theirs. What really hurts is that most of the time being a stepping stone or being taken for granted is done unintentionally by your partner. 

            On that particular situation I find it unbearable, how insensitive can you be? My bleeding heart isn’t an enough wake up call.  You try to give hints, you try to talk about it but somehow it always lead to a dead end.

            For me it all comes to forgive or forget. Either you forgive (but for how long) or you forget the matter but forgetting isn’t like dealing with it and it will keep haunting and taunting you.  When all is great in a relationship you overlook these things, or do you? If every while you think about it then something is wrong….. The heart knows.

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I Do

      A dear friend of mine got engaged recently and since I helped him write his vows and proposal letter. I wanted to share it with everybody and he gracefully embraced the idea of showing the world his love. So there you have it, maybe it will inspire someone too shy to express his love or someone getting married but with no idea what to write as vows.

 

"I affirm my love to you, as I invite you ---  to share my life.

          What to say after 6 months together, almost 180 days. We had our ups and downs, we laughed we cried but we were always together as one. 

          You are the most beautiful, smart, and generous person I have ever known, and I promise always to respect you. With kindness, unselfishness and trust, I will work by your side to create a wonderful life together. I take you for who you are , to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health for as long as we both shall live.

          The first time I saw you it was a pure coincidence, one that turned out to be quite the luckiest coincidence of my life.  It was like destiny, I knew who you were and you knew who I am, no need for words. 

          You have awaken a sleeping heart and brought me back to life, I don’t just love you I also love the way you make feel when I’m around you. 

          We got our second chance, and I’m blissful that we did because we would have killed a unique chance for happiness. As I’ve told you before, I see the real you, when I look into your eyes I see this sweet innocent child with a heart of gold.

          You let your shields down and trusted me with your soul and for the first time in my life I was speechless. When I miss you, it’s like the heart misses a beat, the flower misses the rain and the dry Sahara yearning for that single droplet of water.

          All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name, now after 25 years I have discovered that it has a name.  “---”: five simple yet powerful letters that combine all I could have wished for and more.

          You changed my view of the world, you gave me courage. I had someone to dream of when I go to sleep, a reason to wake up in the morning and to look forward to seeing each day. 

          All of the love songs suddenly started making sense; you were and still is the one I need, the one I run to. You pushed my creativity, you made me who I am and every time you tell me I’m amazing and special my answer was and will always be: you made me. 

    I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. Every day, you make me shine just by being there for me. You stand by me and I stand tall. 

          Finally ,If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live a day without you."

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