Here goes nothing, this post is a time bomb for I am not
sure when it will tick and blow out. Too many things happened, the emotional
drainage and the deception.
It was bound to compile in one ultimate shaker and blow up,
this may well be my very last post. At least regarding relationship, I know in
time I will heal hopefully but for now I find myself having set a timer on a
time bomb.
Tick tock, with every second we get closer to the pinnacle
with every breath you take you feel how the air has become heavier, it drops
down to your heart like a bullet. What to say? What to do? Where to go from
here?
This is the end, you hold your breath and count to ten? No,
this is the end, you hold your breath and take that step that you knew has long
been awaited, when you have counted to a million, ten more or ten less won’t
make any difference.
They say, when you are in love, really madly in love you
know when your lover is dead, when they are happy or sad. Indeed, except sadly,
you would also know when it went wrong, when something that shouldn't have
happened actually happened.
You are intertwined, whether you wanted or not, any shred of
doubt, of passion of deception you can feel it miles away.
Yes, you can talk, yes you can be reassured, but once doubt
creeps in your heart, once you stray from the path it can never be undone. Just
like Pandora’s Box, once opened all the evils in the world were unleashed and
still haunt us to this very day.
Any shred of doubt, is an imminent indicator of a storm
brewing on the horizon, you may well be protected and sheltered but you can
never fully escape it. You may run for a day, a week or a year but it is bound
to catch up to you.
They say, all that remained in Pandora’s Box was hope, but
what hope? The hope that you can pretend that nothing happened and move on with
your life, lying to yourself and to the others?
You may mend it, but a broken heart is much like broken
glass, you may glue it back together but you will always see the crack. That
fragile heart, with every beat it risks shattering that glass again and again.
Who can you blame? Either yourself or the one person you
trusted. Because in the end you reap what you sow, a grain sowed in harsh soil
and in betrayal, a barren land will never grow up to be more than a fragile
shrub.
My personal conviction was and will ever remain, temptation
is a bitch the easiest way and common sense would dictate to refrain ourselves.
But when you play with fire someone is bound to get burnt, not necessarily you
but someone very close. You entered the fire in your domain so you bear the
consequences, why not avoid it from the start?
Circumstances change, people change that is just the way
life is. Same people, different timing
and the outcome would have been way diverse. You cannot blame them, loneliness
and desperation are traitorous mistresses. You will find yourself doing things
and in situation you wouldn't envy yourself or anybody.
If you would have looked at this day a year ago, would you
have foreseen this? Probably not, the future is a blur line forever fluctuating
with every decision we make.
Yet you are here now, and since you have always been put in
such “just deal with it “situations, you find yourself dealing with it, any way
you can.
You miss the love you loved the most, it is heart breaking
to have to go but when the time is right your ship has to sail.
