Lost Soul

Lost soul

When you are at a turning point in your life, a crossroad where every decision can unleash a catatonic roll that may as well affect your entire future.

A lost soul is not a lost case, doesn’t have to be a dead man walking nor a criminal nor a psychological incident.

It is a crucial time, when you need your friends, family and if you have a lover; someone to give genuine advice, love you unconditionally and support you.

What road to take, what path to walk, whom to choose… a million questions running through your head.

Should you settle for the safest option, settle for the easy or take that risk and thrive for more, walk into the unknown.

Stay or go, option 1 or option 2 either way some good is bound to come at the end, it is just a matter of casualty along the way.

Depression is part of this infinite loop, nothing seems to be heading towards a bountiful end, you become lost, irritated and loose your spark.

You try to look for an exit in this world of fear; you’ve had enough you hope to find the path that leads away.

Time to stand up, enough wishing that the wind would carry change: you have to realize that you are the wind carrying change; you have had it inside you all along.

Looking through the window to a world of dreams, you can see your future slip away. You need a change but you won’t get there if you don’t believe.


If you’ve had enough of chasing luck, then set fire to the life that you knew and look for your ticket out before your chances start fading away in front of your eyes, with each step backwards take two onwards.

Finally when you are there at that finishing line you have set, if you look back you would see the flame that was in you, it just needed to ignite.

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It seems

It Seems

    My writing process usually begins with a personal experience I had and would like to share or an idea, as most writers agree the best words come from your heart and your personal experiences.

But when the heart is so weary, the mind so shattered and the days stretch to infinity. What are you to write about?

Indeed it has been a while that I haven’t visited my blog or shared a post, partly because of being over worked true but for the most why would I bother coming back when it seems I am turning around the same problem over and over. If I am tired, I can expect the same from my readers.

When I started this post, I couldn't even give it a title which is quite unusual as I name my posts or my word file before even starting. Well not this time, as I am writing these lines, this post remains anonymous and unnamed for reason somewhat even obscure to me.

I am hoping as I poor my heart, the name and experiences will collide. It seems too much interference and negative energy from my surrounding have caused a blockage.

This post was written a couple of weeks back and remained dormant and lost till today, I don’t recall the time evolution but as I never leave a post unpublished, here goes.

Mixed emotions ranging from being unappreciated, ignored, taken for granted to over worked for people who seem to have no interest in you whatsoever.

Everything seems more important than you, you are just another pretty face or an over achiever and for what? At the end of the day others are taking the credit.

Who to turn to, religion? Lately due to my own misguided attempts to a normal life, religion seems contradicting with my life style and choices. It used to bring me peace but now it raises more questions.

Music, writing? Writing has always been my primary stress release and outlet from my daily struggles, but I don’t even have the time nor the will anymore. Music used to be a good way to calm down, get over a heart break, and find strength, some lyrics I can never forget. However, either my music tastes utterly evolved or today’s music is all gibberish for me, it is true as I cannot even listen to 1 minute before drifting off and my head starts to wander.

Social life and friends? I am grateful to my remaining handful of trustworthy friends but with each their own path we tend to slowly drift apart. The effort to reconnect makes all the difference, but I cannot seem to find joy with the simple pleasures as I constantly feel a shadow lurking in the dark and glancing over my shoulder.

It seems all give and no take makes jack a stupid boy. Every attempt to make a difference back fires in one way or another, the person closest to you doesn't need you anymore, it seems time does help us heal, well not entirely correct, it does heal some wounds but sadly opens others , deep scars.

What are scars? But unhealed wounds leaving a mark for ever to taunt us.

It seems everything you built can fall apart , it only takes one wrong step and someone not there to catch you and you fall, and fall repeatedly till you become numb , when everything doesn’t make a difference anymore.

All you have left is yourself, but when your own inner demons start haunting you, your inner self becomes a torment rather than a sanctuary.

You don’t even feel telling them the slightest detail, where to start? You choose your words carefully as not to be misunderstood and dig yourself your own quick sand pit. You tip toe around every sensitive subject and for what? Either way you seem to be playing a game of snakes and ladders.

   You try to forget but when your compassion and empathy are your traits, forgetting is never an option.

In the end, what really remains are unanswered questions of why and what happened? When everything seemed to be on the right track, a crash happens. Making you question a lot of things, yet putting some points into perspective.

On an off note, I stumbled on this song which quite fits this post: It is entitled “my head is a jungle”

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jaha10-onPE

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