Pandora's Box

     Here goes nothing, this post is a time bomb for I am not sure when it will tick and blow out. Too many things happened, the emotional drainage and the deception.

It was bound to compile in one ultimate shaker and blow up, this may well be my very last post. At least regarding relationship, I know in time I will heal hopefully but for now I find myself having set a timer on a time bomb.

Tick tock, with every second we get closer to the pinnacle with every breath you take you feel how the air has become heavier, it drops down to your heart like a bullet. What to say? What to do? Where to go from here?

This is the end, you hold your breath and count to ten? No, this is the end, you hold your breath and take that step that you knew has long been awaited, when you have counted to a million, ten more or ten less won’t make any difference.

They say, when you are in love, really madly in love you know when your lover is dead, when they are happy or sad. Indeed, except sadly, you would also know when it went wrong, when something that shouldn't have happened actually happened.

You are intertwined, whether you wanted or not, any shred of doubt, of passion of deception you can feel it miles away.

Yes, you can talk, yes you can be reassured, but once doubt creeps in your heart, once you stray from the path it can never be undone. Just like Pandora’s Box, once opened all the evils in the world were unleashed and still haunt us to this very day.

Any shred of doubt, is an imminent indicator of a storm brewing on the horizon, you may well be protected and sheltered but you can never fully escape it. You may run for a day, a week or a year but it is bound to catch up to you.

They say, all that remained in Pandora’s Box was hope, but what hope? The hope that you can pretend that nothing happened and move on with your life, lying to yourself and to the others?

You may mend it, but a broken heart is much like broken glass, you may glue it back together but you will always see the crack. That fragile heart, with every beat it risks shattering that glass again and again.

Who can you blame? Either yourself or the one person you trusted. Because in the end you reap what you sow, a grain sowed in harsh soil and in betrayal, a barren land will never grow up to be more than a fragile shrub.

My personal conviction was and will ever remain, temptation is a bitch the easiest way and common sense would dictate to refrain ourselves. But when you play with fire someone is bound to get burnt, not necessarily you but someone very close. You entered the fire in your domain so you bear the consequences, why not avoid it from the start?

Circumstances change, people change that is just the way life is.  Same people, different timing and the outcome would have been way diverse. You cannot blame them, loneliness and desperation are traitorous mistresses. You will find yourself doing things and in situation you wouldn't envy yourself or anybody.

If you would have looked at this day a year ago, would you have foreseen this? Probably not, the future is a blur line forever fluctuating with every decision we make.

     Yet you are here now, and since you have always been put in such “just deal with it “situations, you find yourself dealing with it, any way you can.

You miss the love you loved the most, it is heart breaking to have to go but when the time is right your ship has to sail. 

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The art of deception

The art of deception 

   Mastering a skill requires perseverance, patience and most importantly time. One cannot become master of an art overnight, especially when that art is as tricky as the art of deception.

Deception wields within lies and secrecy, and to deceive or let someone down is a fatal punishment.

If you want to break a human soul all you have to do is lie, break all your promises and watch everything crumble from deception. How can you survive when the person you trusted the most betrays you?

Out of the blue you discover a secret; one they are trying to hide, and you play along their game putting on a poker face, waiting and lurking for them to make one mistake.

Knowing a secret is very empowering, for you get to choose when to confront the liar, when they are in their safe zone, thinking they have fooled everyone. Why wouldn't they? They earned everyone’s trust, but little do they know that with a bit of intuition and trusting your instincts you can uncover many hidden truths.

Secrets and lies have a nasty way of crumbling and surfacing when you least expect it, just when you are comfortable and think you are in the clear, that false sense of security will be your downfall.

What if you knew everything that has been going on for a while now, but with all the goodness in your heart you decide to give a second chance, to let them come clean and confide in you.

They don’t come to you, they chose to lead a secret and obscure road straying from you. Thinking they are in control and they can handle it.

It is not the fact of keeping a secret by itself that hurts the most, no…what keeps you constantly worried, sad and crying every night to sleep is knowing they are oblivious to the fact that you know their secret and fighting so hard not to burst out and let everything fall apart; they are causing you all the pain and sorrow.

All the hard work you put into building trust and honesty is gone, the mistakes of the past come back to haunt you, suddenly you remember you have been down this path before.

You chose to forgive but you never forgot, and how can you? When you have given yourself completely.

Trusting others, giving them a second chance and being honest doesn’t mean being stupid because you reach a point where you can no longer pretend that this will just blow off and go away, even if you wait.

How much can one small heart take before it breaks? Just like every broken promise.

When you were promised honesty you found lies

When you were promised trust you found secrecy

What about all the promises?

The world seemed a happy place, you were unaware of the deception. Yet, here you are, there isn’t a way back, you cannot rewind time, you have to deal with it.

Either you keep everything bottled inside and pretend everything is fine, but deep down you know the lies, or you confront them with the truth.

Nonetheless, confrontation may lead to a separation or someone getting hurt but isn’t someone already being hurt? Knowing a secret is a heavy burden, especially when that secret has a direct effect on you and your life.

Temptation is a bitch, just when you think you are the strongest, you are actually the weakest.

You might think it is a harmless game, just for fun and you can switch it on and off depending on your mood but sadly it is not that simple, when you are playing with fire you are bound to get hurt and what is worst is you might burn someone you really care about, someone you love and has been there for you all the time.

How can you look them in the eyes, if only you knew what lies in their heart, how hurt they are.

You think they don’t know? Well think again. You just have to interpret the signs, you cannot be with your loved one at day and embrace another personality at night to wonder off and let your fantasies roam free.

How can you look them in the eye and tell them you love them, when minutes before or after you were with someone else.

How scared are you of the truth, guess what? It is already out and there is no way of putting it back.

Deleting all the traces won’t delete the effect, you hurt the love you loved the most.

Trust may be regained with a second chance, but blowing your second chance is the dead end ; you cannot get a third chance, not after this.

You will never feel it, but your lover’s heart knows it and feels it, therefore at least have the decency to come clean.

   Finally, tell them you were lying, tell them you have been keeping secrets and they might forgive you, but don’t tell them you love them or try to kiss them. You are just making the wound in the heart deeper.

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