The art of deception

The art of deception 

   Mastering a skill requires perseverance, patience and most importantly time. One cannot become master of an art overnight, especially when that art is as tricky as the art of deception.

Deception wields within lies and secrecy, and to deceive or let someone down is a fatal punishment.

If you want to break a human soul all you have to do is lie, break all your promises and watch everything crumble from deception. How can you survive when the person you trusted the most betrays you?

Out of the blue you discover a secret; one they are trying to hide, and you play along their game putting on a poker face, waiting and lurking for them to make one mistake.

Knowing a secret is very empowering, for you get to choose when to confront the liar, when they are in their safe zone, thinking they have fooled everyone. Why wouldn't they? They earned everyone’s trust, but little do they know that with a bit of intuition and trusting your instincts you can uncover many hidden truths.

Secrets and lies have a nasty way of crumbling and surfacing when you least expect it, just when you are comfortable and think you are in the clear, that false sense of security will be your downfall.

What if you knew everything that has been going on for a while now, but with all the goodness in your heart you decide to give a second chance, to let them come clean and confide in you.

They don’t come to you, they chose to lead a secret and obscure road straying from you. Thinking they are in control and they can handle it.

It is not the fact of keeping a secret by itself that hurts the most, no…what keeps you constantly worried, sad and crying every night to sleep is knowing they are oblivious to the fact that you know their secret and fighting so hard not to burst out and let everything fall apart; they are causing you all the pain and sorrow.

All the hard work you put into building trust and honesty is gone, the mistakes of the past come back to haunt you, suddenly you remember you have been down this path before.

You chose to forgive but you never forgot, and how can you? When you have given yourself completely.

Trusting others, giving them a second chance and being honest doesn’t mean being stupid because you reach a point where you can no longer pretend that this will just blow off and go away, even if you wait.

How much can one small heart take before it breaks? Just like every broken promise.

When you were promised honesty you found lies

When you were promised trust you found secrecy

What about all the promises?

The world seemed a happy place, you were unaware of the deception. Yet, here you are, there isn’t a way back, you cannot rewind time, you have to deal with it.

Either you keep everything bottled inside and pretend everything is fine, but deep down you know the lies, or you confront them with the truth.

Nonetheless, confrontation may lead to a separation or someone getting hurt but isn’t someone already being hurt? Knowing a secret is a heavy burden, especially when that secret has a direct effect on you and your life.

Temptation is a bitch, just when you think you are the strongest, you are actually the weakest.

You might think it is a harmless game, just for fun and you can switch it on and off depending on your mood but sadly it is not that simple, when you are playing with fire you are bound to get hurt and what is worst is you might burn someone you really care about, someone you love and has been there for you all the time.

How can you look them in the eyes, if only you knew what lies in their heart, how hurt they are.

You think they don’t know? Well think again. You just have to interpret the signs, you cannot be with your loved one at day and embrace another personality at night to wonder off and let your fantasies roam free.

How can you look them in the eye and tell them you love them, when minutes before or after you were with someone else.

How scared are you of the truth, guess what? It is already out and there is no way of putting it back.

Deleting all the traces won’t delete the effect, you hurt the love you loved the most.

Trust may be regained with a second chance, but blowing your second chance is the dead end ; you cannot get a third chance, not after this.

You will never feel it, but your lover’s heart knows it and feels it, therefore at least have the decency to come clean.

   Finally, tell them you were lying, tell them you have been keeping secrets and they might forgive you, but don’t tell them you love them or try to kiss them. You are just making the wound in the heart deeper.

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Long Distance (Part 3): Oh sweet sacrifice

Long Distance (Part 3): Oh sweet sacrifice

To all my loyal readers, who read the previous two posts concerning the subject of long distance relationships; I bring you the epic conclusion regarding this matter.

I am not going to say this is the last part or the end, because it has such a negative connotation, we still need time as this new experience just started. However, I can say that after a rocky start, stability has been reached and that is why this moment has been chosen to publish the last part (last part for now at least).

       First I will share my ideas about making the distance closer:

Indeed we have to be thankful for the new technology at hand, no need to wait weeks for a letter by postal service or lonesome expensive phone calls every couple of weeks. Now we can all be connected on a daily basis, every second.

A smartphone is all you need, you can text for free over data coverage or Wi-Fi, using apps such as Whatsapp and free call using Viber or Kakao talk and even video call via Tango or Skype. So use it wisely, there are so many ways to stay in touch and feel them closer to you.

At night, set at least 2 days per week where it is about just the two of you, video call on Skype or Google hangout on your laptop, communicate, share your days, and maybe even watch a movie on screen share. Call this your dating night, and figure fun ways to stay close, like sharing the same dinner and talking as if out on a real date…

A fatal error would be to get caught in the new situation and forget to make time for each other’s, then you will slowly get over whelmed with work and social life, forgetting along the way that one person that matters the most. Do not let them fade away and become just a memory!

     Secondly, a relationship as a two party concept is like a scale, it has to be in perfect harmony and balance. Both parties have to make the effort, you may both want the relationship to work and flourish but when one has to make extra efforts to keep everything from falling apart. They will be afraid of failure, and in a constant state of fear that they still can do more or what they are sacrificing is not enough.

On the off chance that you are in neighboring countries or relatively close, try saving up money every month so that you may be able to visit each other’s every couple of months.

 If not, be tolerant of the new situation, and communicate as much as you can because the root of all problems is miscommunication and dishonesty, trully loneliness is hard but two loving hearts are never alone and cheating is never the answer, it will satisfy a momentary urge but will leave you an empty vessel and carrying a burden. Is it worth throwing years together for a simple weak moment? Fight and keep on fighting for the one you love.

Remember all those great love songs, you are still the one, viva forever, love story, died in your arms… they weren't written in vain.  

My honest opinion how I would feel in a long distance relationship?

I would be envious and jealous of the people that get to see you every day.

A thousand miles seems pretty far but they've got planes, trains and boats and if I had no other way I would walk to you.

       In the end, the truly scary questions to ask yourselves are two:

Can you pick up from where you left?

Will separation make your love stronger or weaker?

I for one am sure whatever happens, I can forgive and love because I know my future is you and after this cloud there is sun, there is a paradise waiting for the both of us to live together happily ever after.

True Self-Sacrifice of Love

By William Shakespeare (1564–1616)

NO longer mourn for me when I am dead Than you shall hear the surly, sullen bell Give notice to the world that I am fled From this vile world with vilest worms to dwell: Nay, if you read this line, remember not 5 The hand that writ it; for I love you so, That I in your sweet thoughts would be forgot, If thinking on me then should make you woe. Oh! if, I say, you look upon this verse, When I perhaps compounded am with clay, 10 Do not so much as my poor name rehearse, But let your love even with my life decay; Lest the wise world should look into your moan, And mock you with me after I am gone.

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Long Distance (part 2): Living with a ghost

Long distance (part 2): Living with a ghost

         Now they are gone for good, you realize deep down that nothing will ever be the same.

The comfort, the warmth, the joys and sadness were all tied to that presence, to that single person whom you might have taken for granted but now came to acknowledge their huge impact on your life.

They have left, and all you have now is a ghost, you are living with a ghost inside your head.

At every corner, memories come to haunt you, there you used to go for dinner, here was your favorite sport… you got used to being constantly with them that unconsciously their road has become your road home.  You still pass by their house, then realize they are no longer living in the same country, indeed they are thousands of miles away for you.

You wish you could go into the room one more time, sit where they used to sit, feel their presence, let their scent tickle your face and nose, relive those precious moments.

How can time pass so quickly when you are together? The years pass like days; whereas when apart time seems to freeze as if to prolong your agony.

Emptiness, bitterness and sorrow, you try to make new memories and say we had Beirut and we still have a promising future…but when one is still living in the past in Beirut and when the other moved to a new country to the future: you grasp the harshness of the situation and its complexity. If one is living in the past and the other in the future, where is the present? No one is living the present, steps have been skipped and the equations are unbalanced now.

Love is not something taken, it is given. Although you considered yourself to be rational rather than emotional, you quickly come to realize how weak a human can be, in those dark hours before going to bed, when the loneliness takes over you cannot hold your tears anymore. The masks fall off and you are vulnerable, the only substantial hope is hoping to see their face one more time, after a month, 6 months or a year.

Will we be the same? Can we pick up the broken pieces and move on? Love is strong but when stretched over continents a rupture may occur.

You want to move forward and you know that in time you will get used to the situation but you cannot help yourself but linger on old pictures, every piece of clothes, every smell, every place you have been, all the memories. One thing is sure, you cannot forget even if you try.

      Finally, each partner copes differently with the new situation at hand, each at their own pace. The hardest part will be if one side of the scale tips over and one seem to be further ahead than the other.

You are not here physically anymore, you are in my heart in my every thought, and you are my memories.

You are the ghost that haunts me every night, the one that puts me to sleep and the one that wakes me up screaming for your name.

End of part 2

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How long can you go (part 1)

How long can you go? (Part 1)

Anybody who undertook a long distance relationship will tell it is not easy at all, even damn near impossible. So it is up to you whether to give it a chance or not to even fight for the relationship.

How and why it happens is not entirely under our control, it could be a job opportunity, a permanent relocation to another country or maybe meeting someone online form another continent.

Many circumstances can potentially lead us to consider a long distance relationship, my friend is travelling abroad, and that is why I am inspired by his loved one to write their story and to help them through this new experience.

There will be follow up posts, tips and facts about long distance relationships because it is a wide subject and in order to expose all the aspects and points of view more than one post is necessary.

How long can you go? Meaning how many miles can you be apart and for how long?

Needless to say that when either one of those elements increases; the stakes become higher and the long distance relationship turn into a hustle.

In the end, to finish my first post about this subject, I am going to highlight

"Missing someone gets easier every day because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will." 

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Cold heart cash

Cold Heart Ca$h 

      To quote the one and only Marilyn Monroe: Diamonds are a girl’s best friend. However, when it comes to relationships money remains a very sensitive subject maybe even a taboo for some.

      I have discussed in a previous post entitled: “Money the root of all evil “the subject of monetary power in the new world, but this post will solemnly focus on the actions and reaction of money in relationships and friendships.

    At the top of my head I can recommend separate accounts, both partners will split the costs of the household, rent, children expenses, etc… Nonetheless, each will keep a separate account for his personal needs, hobbies and so long. This is particularly efficient whether one party has a higher income or a lot of expenses. Women tend to spend more money on shopping while men will most probably splurge money in bars and cars. By having your own little savings account you’re able to indulge in your favorite pass times without getting into fights over personal expenses.

    This concept excludes gold diggers and sugar daddies: when you start spending money uncontrollably there will come a day when you might run out so good luck keeping that gold digger next you.

They will all take but never give; it’s a simple but sad truth. You may be torn between helping someone in need and the fact they might not repay you, therefore the dynamics or relation will inevitably change.

They say they will pay you back but never do, you help someone in need but when the table turns you might not find them there for  moral or financial support.

   Success and careers can be a double headed sword, when you find a job you actually like and excel at it you think they’ll be happy for you but sometimes you feel as if you’re being punished for finding a successful opportunity.

  Furthermore, in this situation I recommend both sides to be understanding, because in the end you stand together and his/her success is yours too. The main concern may be if they both work in the same field, then the competitiveness can become overwhelming and lead the couple to drift apart.

   In the end, no one should be the solemn bread provider in the family unit. It’s a mutual task and both partners help each other and strive forward.  It’s always a good idea to have pre established fine lines and to discuss all fiscal projects to be undertaken together.

For one simple reason, it’s not “our money “when it suits you and it’s “my money” when you want a personal item. 

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When to say Goodbye-part 3 (The end)

     

 Torn apart

          You might wish for a time machine and think in your mind: if only I can repair that single mistake or bad choice.  Nevertheless, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and you will get through it: like the phoenix who raises from its ashes more powerful and flamboyant. Furthermore, you would have learned a life’s lesson for the next chapter in your life.

                                               

           Why are you trying to say goodbye? It takes a while because you truly didn’t want to hurt the one you loved and still do. You were putting their own happiness before yours. However, you’re both just heading towards the inevitable it’s all been shacking down for a while.

Sometimes success gets in the way and it becomes intimidating, forcing you to live low so they can achieve their dreams and you stay a spectator.

           We’re all humans and while some can hold their urges others are known to roam free like wild horses. They will feel nostalgic but it’s not a planned thing; everything new is bright and shiny and the old is dim.

          It’s true that miles separating 2 hearts is only a short distance and the yearning will make your love stronger.

But it is true that distance is equal to the unknown, your mind will start playing tricks on you, then comes the assuming part, over analyzing …and the lies.

       The separation maybe premature, but when your love is strong you need time to start the healing process, each will move at his own paste. He or she may be your entire life story or just a chapter.

Either way, it’s your story to write and you decide the length of each chapter, it may be a one chapter story or poem or if you feel the next chapter is even better then you have to close the old one to start the new.

       It’s a paradox in a way, when you know that from now and forever the duality of your relationship means only one can be happy at the expense of the other. 

It’s time to say goodbye when you know you can be happy with someone else

It’s time to say goodbye when you’re looking for any excuse to break it up

It’s time to say goodbye when all trust is lost

It’s time to say goodbye when the love you felt so strong turns bitter

It’s time to say goodbye when you cry yourself to sleep

It’s time to say goodbye when you’re heart starts beating for someone else

It’s time to say goodbye when you don’t care about anything anymore

It’s time to say goodbye when you put on a mask and pretend all is well when you’re slowly withering from the inside 

 

~The end ~

Or is it?

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Sorry for not being sorry

Indifference will always find an excuse

                This is the simplest but saddest truth, when you’re indifferent you will find the lamest excuse to justify yourself, but the most bitter part occurs when you are in a relationship and you start making up excuses to justify your boyfriend/girlfriend ‘s indifference and nonchalance.

            It’s a known fact that there is always a side that’s controlling the relationship: the strongest, and by that I’m in no way referring to the chauvinist men. A woman can be the strongest and the dominant partner. What I mean by the strongest:  the partner who is caring and giving everything to the relation but still has a step back and has protected themselves emotionally.

            How small, insignificant do you feel when you go through extremes to give your partner all the love you can give and in return for that single fraction of a second they ruin everything by being completely unresponsive and indifferent. 

            One might consider that it may happen once and occasionally, true and in no way am I referring to such behavior. However, when it becomes a recurrent pattern, one have to start wondering and asking the hardest question: when enough is really enough?

 

            As I am writing these words, I’m not sure if I’m even making sense. The problem is I cannot be more elaborate about this matter because too many people are involved and might get hurt, not to mention all the variables to consider.

            I am not the kind of guy that preaches what he doesn’t believe in or apply in real life so be sure there will be a part two to this post. 

            I have found out the hard way that you should never make someone a priority in your life when you remain an option in theirs. What really hurts is that most of the time being a stepping stone or being taken for granted is done unintentionally by your partner. 

            On that particular situation I find it unbearable, how insensitive can you be? My bleeding heart isn’t an enough wake up call.  You try to give hints, you try to talk about it but somehow it always lead to a dead end.

            For me it all comes to forgive or forget. Either you forgive (but for how long) or you forget the matter but forgetting isn’t like dealing with it and it will keep haunting and taunting you.  When all is great in a relationship you overlook these things, or do you? If every while you think about it then something is wrong….. The heart knows.

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